Hello everyone and I hope you are enjoying Halloween. Being Halloween, many people decide to watch scary movies. Probably my favorite horror genre is the slasher genre. I often hypothesize whether or not I could survive slasher movies, and I feel like I can for these five simple reasons. No matter the villain, I will come with back up. I also believe you could survive these situations if you follow these simple rules.
5. I wipe- As explored in a recent post, I think I stand a good chance of surviving a homicidal maniac because I wipe my butt. I’ve seen a couple horror movies with people that don’t wipe, and the death rate is 100%. So the first rule is wipe.
4. I have good dodging skills- Take a chainsaw for instance. I can’t understand how people get snuck up on by a guy that has a chainsaw, but it obviously happens. Chainsaws aren’t quiet, and even if someone comes at me with one, I feel they would have to leave an opening while they swing it. That would be my cue to either dodge, dip, duck, dive, or dodge.
3. I don’t say I’ll be right back- When I leave a room, I simply announce what I am doing. Be it going to the bathroom or getting a bite to eat. I’m not conceited enough to assume I will be back. I mean I could fall and get hurt or some shit. I don’t take things for granted.
2. I don’t sleep- Look, I have kids. That means I am not going to have the time to dream up some guy that’s haunting my sleep. I’m fucking exhausted and just need some rest. So when I sleep, it’s dreamless and therefore I will be safe. Plus, my kids will probably wake me up before anything could happen.
1. When all else fails, call the Baba Yaga- That’s right. If shit gets too real and the boogeyman is coming after me, I’m calling John Wick. I’ve seen all the John Wick films, and I feel confident that he can take care of the situation. After all, if these guys have a hard time killing teenage girls, I’m sure they’ll have their hands full with John Wick.
As I said before, I think you guys could survive these situations if you follow those simple rules. I hope you have as much fun on Halloween as I did writing this post. Happy Halloween!!!
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