a Dirty little secret

Movies aren’t supposed to be realistic; I fully realize that. But some things just can’t go unnoticed. There’s a certain human factor that must be considered when working on these horror films. In particular, a few things about the Friday The 13th Franchise drive me absolutely insane. 

These sequels are already up against it. They don’t have an original storyline, just a character or set of characters that movie studios think the general public wants to see. And in the case of Friday The 13th, that character is Jason. Of course, it’s Jason. And Jason needs folks to kill. Jason also needs reasons to kill certain folks. I’ve concluded that some of these characters are stupid on purpose to serve the purpose of the movie.

However, there’s a certain human element that can’t be ignored. People have bodily functions. Bodily functions that are important enough to show, but certain actions are not fully completed. Now I don’t know about you, but when I’m finished taking a shit the first thing I look for is the toilet paper. It’s ingrained into my brain. So ingrained that I would never forget to wipe. I could never forget to wipe my ass. Even if there was a crazed killer running around. Harry, Chuck, Pete, and Demon are all nasty bastards who don’t wipe after shitting. It’s really quite disgusting to think about.

And it’s not like these characters know when Jason is coming. In some instances, they aren’t even aware of the danger that’s lurking in the shadows. Which makes it even worse when they forget to wipe. There Demon is, just going about his day. Minding his own business and taking a shit. Then he hears a noise. There’s even a roll of toilet paper right next to Demon, but he doesn’t remember to wipe. That kind of stupidity deserves to be killed. The last thing we need during the Covid crisis are nasty assholes running around not wiping their asses. Can you imagine what would happen if you didn’t wipe your ass? People would certainly develop an interesting smell.

So, I’ve concluded that the only reason these characters don’t wipe their nasty assholes is to fuel the fire that is Jason’s rage so he has victims to claim. Think about it, if you don’t wipe your ass you deserve to die. I can’t even feel bad for some nasty bastard that’s not competent enough to wipe his or her ass. It’s disgusting and unacceptable.

You don’t wipe? You die!!

Published by Matt Kaster

I like to think I'm living my everyday life inside a Will Ferrell movie. I'm a very sarcastic sort of goofball that tries to laugh at all the problems life has to offer...and then make funny videos about it...in my head!! Subscribe now to witness some of my takes on everyday growth. I'll see you inside!

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