Hello everyone and welcome to the second edition of Fright Day. Last week, I counted down my favorite slasher franchises, and this week I will give my list of the 5 worst horror movies I’ve evet seen.
5. Halloween Resurrection: Simply put, this is easily the worst movie in the Halloween franchise. I sometimes can’t believe I actually watched it, but my memory tells me I did. The found footage angle doesn’t work. Busta Rhymes doesn’t work. Michael’s mask doesn’t work. It just a train wreck.
4. Zombie Honeymoon- My wife and I attempted to watch this film, and she couldn’t stomach it. My wife loves zombie movies, but she couldn’t get past the slow decay of plot and interest the longer we watched this.
3. Leprechaun 4- Yeah. It’s bad. Like really bad. It says something that the movies following this, which deal with the titular Leprechaun hanging in the hood, rapping and smoking dope, are a step up for me. The old space trope is in effect here, and this film manages to be worse than Jason X and Jason Takes Manhattan combined. I think the Leprechaun is going to marry an alien princess in the movie, but my memory grows hazy thinking about it. I don’t intend on refreshing it.
2. Hard Rock Zombies- For a long time, this was my number one. Seriously, I could only try to explain the plot, but you’d be just as confused as I would be trying to remember it. But try I will. Hitler and his wife survived, raising a family that poses as hitchhikers and lures people to their house. They run across the band, which they kill in a variety of ways resulting in some of the worst special effects of all time. But the lead singer of the band wrote a song that included a resurrection hymn for his underage girlfriend. Said girlfriend plays the song at their graves, bringing them back from the dead. They take on Hitler and his family, then proceed to give a rock concert before returning to the grave. Oh and Eva Braun is a werewolf. And her and Hitler have sex in front of their grandchildren. Yeah. It’s bad.
1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4- The movie was so bad that the main stars tried to get it banned. Worse yet, it was actually penned by a co-creator of the series. Leatherface is reduced to a pizza eating transvestite who looks more equipped to teach gym class than to kill, and Matthew McConaughey has a remote controlled leg. At one point, he and Renee Zellweger see who holds the more powerful remote and try to make his leg do weird things. Anyway, McConaughey and Leatherface kidnap Renee and her friends, then torture them for a reason I don’t know. In the earlier movies, Leatherface is eating them. Not in this one. Then we find out that the family are just pawns for some weird guy who exposes his stomach and makes Renee put her face in it. Then he leaves and she escapes, prompting a chase scene. McConaughey dies, then the creepy guy picks Renee up and drops her off. Or something like that.
Well, there’s my list. Let me know if you guys have any horror movies you regret watching as much as I regret watching these. Until next time….
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